Big community funding update! Why is this man who is totally out of my league pursuing me? April 30, Now he is chasing me like there's no tomorrow.
And will it last? I am a year-old female who has been in only one real relationship and has had a bunch of terminal first and second dates aside from that.
I was kind of a late bloomer and didn't even kiss a guy until I was Now you know why this post is "anonymous"! Two months ago, an interesting guy contacted me online.
He was ten years older, but he was very polite and we seemed to have common intellectual interests, so I agreed to go out with him. Our first date was dinner at an expensive restaurant.
He's very conventionally attractive and has a prestigious job and seems very self-assured, but frankly I wasn't sure we were a match. I'm kind of a shy, mousy person and I felt like his personality might be too strong for mine. After I turned down a third date, he seemed disappointed and immediately sent me a gift it was an Amazon e-book that he thought I might enjoy.
He requested that we stay in touch as friends and keep going to things together and "maybe you'll change your mind. To my surprise, I Out of my league online hookup up really liking him on our third date! I saw a more playful side of him, and I stopped being sort of creeped out by his intense interest in me.
Incidentally, he took his dating profile offline at some point after our first or second date. We haven't discussed this at all, but I noticed when I decided to go on a third date with him that his profile was gone! Mine is still up, but I stopped logging into the site after our third date.
My friend checked for me recently--and his profile is still offline. We have now been dating for two months, and he is pursuing me VERY heavily, but I am racked with all these doubts about us.
I don't really understand why he is so interested in me. He's very smart, very handsome, in perfect shape, has a great career, has tons more money than I do We haven't even done more than a quick kiss here or there in public! We haven't been to each other's apartments. What is he getting out of this? Frankly, I'm concerned that he might just be into me because I dumped him after two dates - but he actually started pursuing me pretty heavily since BEFORE we met.
Taking someone out to dinner on Out of my league online hookup first online date is a bit much. It's almost like he made up his mind about us before he even met me.
He contacts me every single day, asks me all these in-depth questions about my family and my childhood and my dreams for the future, buys me presents for no reason, even bought me a year-long membership to something My main concerns are: Does he really enjoy the "teaching and caretaking" role, or will he inevitably lose respect for me? What do I bring to the table, besides my relative youth? This doesn't really seem sustainable. Physically, we haven't done more Out of my league online hookup a quick peck on a street corner.
Will his interest dwindle away after he's "gotten" me? He lived with his previous girlfriend so I know he's not waiting for marriage Why is he so enamored with me when he's smarter, has more money, is objectively better than I am at all sports and lots of practical matters, etc.?
Because these things do not determine what he likes about people.
Ew, this question is throwing up all kinds of red flags for me with regard to him not respecting your boundaries and trying way WAY too hard to insinuate himself into your life. There's way more going on here than who is in who's league.
If you're this uncomfortable now, I say trust your gut and move on.
The objective facts say that he's crazy about you, and this is how he shows it. If anything, he seems to think he's not good enough for youand tries to make up for it with lots of presents and affection. First and foremost, I see a heavy dose of you not giving yourself enough credit. There are also some other, more cynical possibilities here that I'm sure other people will bring up.
He sounds sweet and interested. Why end things before they've begun? If you keep dating him and realize that he creeps you out more than intrigues Out of my league online hookup, end things then.
But so far he sounds like a man who is serious about finding a relationship and interested in you. It's not fun to date with low self-esteem-- you end up with guys like your ex, who seem "safe" because you feel smarter and more mature than them. It's safer to be the catch and know it than to feel like you could lose the one you love. It's common for women who underestimate their attractiveness and charm to date down and become a mother figure in their relationships.
But try taking a risk on love, if you really like this guy! It sounds like you could be equals. There is definitely the possibility that he's a creep-- if he squicks you out, you have no obligation to keep dating him and you should protect yourself. But it's definitely possible from what you've written that he just likes you and wants to share things with you an ebook is actually a rather thoughtful gift, not as tacky as showering a woman with gold bracelets so she won't lose interest or something.
I would suggest you really look at the rules for how relationships progress that you have created in your head. He could be a really decent kind man who enjoys your company but your low self esteem is going to get in the way of being able to accept and enjoy this Out of my league online hookup of attention. Because he perceives you as having low self-esteem, which makes you easy to dominate, exploit, and abuse, which is what he's going to do if you fall for his bullshit.
Respect yourself more and move on. I think if it feels weird, it's weird. You're allowed to break up with this guy if things don't feel right. If the only problem you're worried about is what will happen if the other shoe drops, I think you can rest in the knowledge that it will, and just wait for that to happen.
Out of my league online hookup experience tells me he will completely go fickle of you once you return his passion for you - he just likes the challenge you are presenting.
The romantic in me says this might be the real deal. I don't think there is any way to tell. Do you like him? Do you feel a spark?