I am engaged to marry a wonderful man who I have been with for about 4 years now. He is intelligent, he loves me deeply and tells me I am his best friend.
If I walk away when he starts yelling he accuses me of abandoning him, or of being a coward or child. If I try to keep my voice calm and ask him to communicate without yelling he gets offended because I am treating him like a child or talking down to him.
I am starting to become afraid to talk to him or ask him questions because I do not know if it will devolve into yelling or accusations.
My question is this: I feel torn between believing that you should not try to change the person you are in love with, but also feeling that he should work on his communication skills. Where is the line here? Relationships work both ways. That you are taking a break.
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And you will tell him, as the mother that you will be: Big red flag How to stop yelling in a relationship. Does he get angry, aggressive and lose his temper with all people or just a select few? If it is under control with some and not others then he is choosing this behaviour, which is about dominance and control. You are no longer being yourself which will not be good for you in the long term. In a healthy relationship you should feel free to be yourself without fear of the consequences and that is no longer the case.
You have tried to be reason with him and he accuses you of being controlling. Everything points towards disrespect and an unbalanced relationship.
I wish you well but fear for your mental health. I think there is no place for threat in a relationship. Yelling and name-calling amount to threats. Meaning you still have time to think it through and walk away which you should do by the waywhich as Anita said would be best. In short, he will continue to yell, and he will continue to find it annoying that you confront him with it, and it will only make him more annoyed at you.
How much can I really ask of him? I also see a future where he learns by himself that yelling is not working at all with repeated reminders from you and it slowly becomes less and less himself, though it might take decades.
And calling you darling because that is loving and kind. To adore… To encourage.
To also have these qualities and have them reflect back. Can you see now the incongruity between real love and what you would accept as a substitute? Can you trust your own higher wisdom and soul to lead you to an opportunity to give and receive love in the sacred space of vulnerability… Of openness.
One who possesses dignity and honor knows to rush to apology when harming a loved one… Would not even think to yell!
You will die before changing another. In the process, you ce come a doormat.
Been there done that. I tell you that you can trust your wisdom and insight…. That you can seek the assistance of the aspects of self which have gone down the path of life in realms of light… And you will know the wise choice instantly. It may seem impossibly sad… It may seem compelling to cling to the life raft of the familiar, darling. The familiar being to accept what you already know. Do not go down the easy path by default.
It is the path of inner death. Trust the light of love and compassion, which would rather die than ever hurt a living creature.
Deep love awaits you. Be patient and trust… Because all love is within…. All the love you can ever have. Do not let an outer seeking for partnership cause the degradation of the. Soul journey to greater authenticity, gentleness, opening, sharing, and light.
I suffocated most of my life going in circles because I did not heed the warnings of others … May you just go for radiance within and you shall find it outside … And shall not be too entangled with marriage and kids to enjoy the experience of sharing the fullest and healthiest measure of true, respecting love.
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April 27, at 2: April 27, at 4: April 27, at 7: If you marry him, please do not bring an innocent child into the marriage.
As to your questions: April 27, at 8: April 27, at 1: Jack, I think there is no place for threat in a relationship.
April 27, at 3: Now for your questions. Found something that might be misinterpreted: April 28, at 4: Disclaimer This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice. Who Runs Tiny Buddha?