We all know the grim statistics. Second marriages are more likely to end in divorce than first marriages. Yet, social animals that we are, we keep on remarrying anyway. But there is hope: We often think of second marriages as following a divorce. But what about situations when a spouse has passed away? This presents its own set of unique challenges.
And, as in any challenging situation, it pays to prepare yourself before you jump in. A big mistake that many people make is that they marry again too soon after their spouse passes away.
Let yourself grieve for your late spouse. Because this is so individual and so personal, there is no hard-and-fast rule for how long the grieving process should take. But let yourself be alone for a while before you emotionally commit to another partner.
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Remarrying after death of husband to yourself and take your cues from that small, true voice inside you, instead of from well-intended but bumbling friends or coworkers who think the best thing for you would be to launch into another relationship before your tears are dry.
Let yourself feel the pain. Work through it with friends or family or a professional. Part of you may always miss that person. In time, that part may shrink or become less needy or less overwhelming so that you can fill yourself with new love, but that part needs to be acknowledged. However, nor should you keep any mention of your late spouse from your new spouse.
That would send the message that you need to protect the memory of your late spouse from your current spouse. Your former marriage and the pain you suffered at the death of your partner is a part of who you are. Denying that and trying to erase it can only cause problems down the road.
Be open about dates that might trigger sad memories. Assumptions can be dangerous; if left unchecked, they can morph out of control and prove more troublesome than the reality.
Not only can this help you cope with the day, but your partner will benefit from the clarity and straightforwardness. Although comparisons may be a natural human way of putting things into perspective, never ever compare your late spouse with your current spouse.
When you feel yourself making silent, internal comparisons, talk yourself out of them. Remember that yours is a very different situation from a divorcewhere the ex-partner is still around to make mistakes and remind you of why you wanted the divorce in the first place.
When you compare the idealized past to the messy reality of today, today will lose. But remember—the reality of today is reality in the truest sense.
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Answer: Is a person eligible for remarriage after he/she is widowed? Not only does the Bible not speak against remarriage after a spouse dies, in some cases. Second Marriage Pitfall # 5: The Challenges of Remarrying After A Spouse Dies.
Richard Nicastro. By Richard Nicastro, Ph.D.
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Friend passed late last year and her husband is already remarried. I feel like not even a year just feels off to me and I'm kind of.