This time last year, I was in Paris with the man I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. I trusted my partner and loved him with every ounce of my heart and soul. Pain of infidelity was "the one," or so I thought.
That is, until a week after our trip, when a boy's night out turned into him making a series of poor Pain of infidelity destructive decisions that would ultimately break everything we had into pieces -- including my heart. He cheated on me and, upon coming home at 4 a. What happened in the next 48 hours after was a blur of lies and a painful, slow discovery that the person I admired and adored was not the person I thought I knew.
I have purposely not written about what happened in my breakup because I felt I needed some time to heal and process the situation before publishing, and because I didn't want my story to come from a place of spite or revenge. Also, it has taken me a lot of courage to share this very personal experience with you, because I felt a lot of shame around what happened.
As much as I can say I'm a confident and strong woman, you can bet that I doubted my own self-worth and Pain of infidelity myself what was so wrong with me for the man who supposedly loved me to throw it all away for an hour with someone who "meant nothing" to him. I was embarrassed, hurt Pain of infidelity my self-esteem was damaged. I believe that everyone makes mistakes, and often it is not the mistakes that defines a person's character, but what they do afterward.
I hoped in my heart that he would redeem himself, be accountable for his actions and work for my forgiveness. I hung on to faith that he would step up to be the man I thought he was. And maybe that's the Pain of infidelity disappointing part of it all.
During this time, I reached out to him for help. In his own pain, he did not know how to handle me. So instead of responding with compassion and care, he ignored me.
I watched the man that I loved, that I shared deep secrets and sacred moments with, in a blink of an eye treat me like I was nothing. It was as if one day I was the world to him and the next moment I was irrelevant. Regardless of the support from friends and family during such a time, I felt terribly alone.
To have your trust breached and your heart so wounded feels like there is a dark cloud of misery that follows you everywhere you go. It's with you no matter how you try to distract yourself. Even in sleep you cannot escape, as Pain of infidelity haunts you in the form of nightmares.
You feel trapped, because there is nothing you can say or do to make it go away. In the process of dealing with the pain, I dehumanized him.