This article suggests some steps to help ease the transition. And the sooner you do it, the better because eventually it's all going to get found out! Evaluate your original relationship. Consider why you started seeing someone else while you were still in a relationship.
Did you and your significant other simply grow apart or did something happen that made you stray? Make a list of at least three reasons why you may have mentally left your original relationship and started dating another person.
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How compelling are the reasons? Are they enough to stay with the new person or do you feel that this has been a big mistake?
You need to know this now before you're a pond full of regrets. Ponder your current relationship.
Perform the same mental analysis with your new steady as you did with your original mate. Why did you start dating this person and what attracted you to the relationship?
Most importantly, does the new person know that you're currently dating someone else? If your new boyfriend or girlfriend is in the dark, this may cause problems later down the road, especially if you become serious and yet you've not acted as if you have treated the relationship seriously.
As with your original mate, list three or more reasons why you have entered into this new relationship and how it will differ from the previous relationship. Are these reasons compelling enough to want your new date to completely take the place of your current lover?
Again, ensure that there is no ambiguity in your reasoning. Check your calendar for the best time to meet with your original boyfriend or girlfriend. Avoid major life events such as holidays, birthdays or anniversaries——especially if the anniversary marks a sad occasion such as the death of a loved one.
Select a totally random day——one that should have no meaning to you or your current mate. However, don't use an inability to select "the right day" as an excuse not to get this over and done with. The sooner that you deal with breaking up, the better for both of you. Choose a location for the break-up. Always break up in person because that shows respect——never on the phone, by mail or text.
You owe the other person a face-to-face meeting. However, if you believe the break-up could be filled with intense drama, choose a public place, but avoid crowded, intimate restaurants. If your significant other decides to explode, he or she may not be concerned with the surroundings and have a very public reaction.
Additionally, consider a place where you can make a quick getaway. Waiting to pay for the check at a restaurant can be very awkward, so head to a destination that will provide you with mobility. Some suggestions for places include: A spacious outdoor park away from kids and playground equipment A shopping mall The gym A coffee shop A bar and grille The beach An athletics park. Discuss your plans for the future with the new person.
Stand strong but be gentle. Prepare for the meeting. If you have to rehearse the delivery, do it. Just don't have notecards out in front of you and refer to them while you're breaking up. Ask the other person if they were truly happy in the relationship.
Be prepared for them to say they were though, in which case, asking them will backfire on you and you'll have to apologize and recognize that they were happy but explain that you're still not. Other points to consider: Avoid telling the other person that they drove you into the arms of another——that will only escalate into an unproductive discussion and says more about your inability to be independent-minded than it does about them. It's not a tactic to escape unscathed; it's a way of telling your soon-to-be ex that you're making excuses.
Make it clear that it's over. Acknowledge your own faults, lack of participation and inability to contribute fully to the relationship. The idea is to not apportion blame or to try to make your soon-to-be ex look bad; rather, help them to see that this is ultimately a good decision for the two of you.
Be on time for the meeting. Show the other person respect by being prompt and exactly in the place where you agreed to meet, at the time you agreed.
If you know that they're never prompt, take something along to do to pass the time so that you avoid getting frustrated waiting for them. Take a book, your eReader or play phone games. Just resolve to stay calm until they arrive and after, of course. Remain calm and in control throughout the discussion. Keeping in control of a conversation means being ready to open it and to lead with the news of the break up as quickly as possible.
Also be prepare to ask questions as much as or more even than you're asked questions, questions about how the other person is taking the news, how they're feeling and what they'll do next.
By making them respond to your questions, it shows that you care enough about their welfare to be interested but also deflects a focus off you all of the time, as they're forced to think over how they're taking it and how they're going to move on. All the same, anticipate the possibility that your significant other could flip out so keep that in mind during your break up delivery. If you remain calm, perhaps you can tone down the situation.
If they have items in your home, be sure to allow them plenty of space to retrieve their things without pressure or anxiety. You could even offer to have them delivered but don't sound like you don't want them to collect their own things if they want to.
Keep an eye on the time.
Don't allow the break up to last more than an hour. Have a good excuse ready such as meeting someone else, having to get work done or needing to get to bed early for an early meeting, etc.
Offer to drop them back home if it helps or to shout them a taxi ride. Try to end the meeting on a good note.