Where conventional dating is more like a water balloon fight, online dating is like storming the beaches at Normandy.
You want to see what I look like, right? DO NOT use a group shot as your profile picture.
DO NOT wear a hat and sunglasses in your profile pic, either. We want to actually see your face.
DO NOT use a picture of just you and someone of the opposite sex. Crop them out, genius.
DO NOT use a picture of anything but your face. We got it the first time. If you have a different look, show that.
For the love of God, add information about yourself. A profile that only lists your age range interest as 18— yo is creepy, not inviting. This will get you farther than anything on this list. You know how annoying it is to fill out a job application and list all the info you have in the resume you brought?
Let your profile be your resume, not your job application. Did you sign up for this dating site while sitting at a red light? If you had time to create a profile and log in, then you have the time to fill out the profile, jackass. Online dating is not Amazon Prime with free two day shipping of a brand new girlfriend. I can point out for you.
Give us some highlights. Say you love horror films and underwater archaeology, Civil War reenactments, and brewing your own bathtub mint juleps. The question is obviously asking what you do for a living and what your big goals in life are. Are you a teacher, bartender, sales clerk, mortician?
Are you going to drink whiskey across Europe? Start a death metal band? Are you working that 9—5 office job and writing your Stand By Me fan fiction screenplay at night? Do you grill a mean steak? Kill The Humpty Dance at karaoke? Are you The Rain Man of movie quotes? Put What not to say on online dating profile kind of unique and fun stuff here. Have you never been given a compliment in your life?
Has no one ever complimented your looks or personality? Do you have pretty eyes or pink hair?
I have pretty eyes and a huge rack. Those are the things people usually notice about me. I gleaned this knowledge from comments people have made to me about these attributes.
The only reason to not have an answer to this question is if no one has ever commented on your looks or personality.
Good luck scoring a date with that, buddy. Same goes for books, movies, and shows. Give us your top five choices in each category.
This is also where you list your hobbies or interests, stuff you do for fun. Painting, ultimate Frisbee, taxidermy.
DO NOT write blood, food, air, water. This is not a literal question. The point is to show your personality. Are you addicted to your smart phone and coffee?
Never leave the house without your journal or a switchblade? Your desert island list. A sexy combination of all three? Maybe you spend a lot of time marveling at how the lead singer of The Foo Fighters looks just like the drummer from Nirvana.
The big mysteries of life you ponder go here. If you do all kinds of different things on the weekends, give us a summary of your most favorite activities. Movies, clubbing, trying every sushi joint in town? Netflix, friends, and wine coolers? Holding up liquor stores, summoning the devil, and tagging buildings with your spray paint stencil art as your alter ego, The Shadow?
Sum it up here.
We read something we like, we message you. Quote a movie, leave a recipe for bundt cake, leave your hat size. And that name thing? Have fun, get a sense of humor, and chill out. Think in terms of meeting someone and getting to know them instead of going on a date.
It takes the pressure off. You may meet and hate each other. You may get married three hours later. Meeting is the first step, going on a date is the second. Or possibly a honeymoon. DO NOT send dick pics unless asked.
DO NOT mass message a form letter. DO NOT use text language. This is not a text, and there are no character limits.
Final what not to say on online dating profile naked pictures
DO NOT message boring small talk and expect interesting responses. You get what you give. Make the message personal and you stand a far greater chance of getting a reply. Lots of people are. Just be upfront about it. We could very well be looking for the same thing. I have never been offended by a guy who politely and respectfully told me he was only interested in a physical relationship. Niki Marinis is a comedian and grizzled online dating veteran.